If there was one small (yet huge!) thing I wish I had learned years ago to bolster my self-confidence, this is it.
And I KNOW this one phrase would’ve helped change my outlook and given me a greater strength and a feeling of self-worth to deal with certain situations… So, are you ready?
It’s not all about you
Sounds counterintuitive for a confidence coach to be telling you that the focus shouldn’t always be on you, right?. And I know, it sounds completely bizarre, but hear me out, because when I adopted this way of thinking, it completely changed my relationship with myself.
I don’t know about you, but I’ve always had the annoying tendency to place too much value on what others think of me. Whether it’s what I wear for an evening out (which is a total distant memory, joggers for the win I say!), or what I’m presenting in a meeting. Constant internal questioning about how I’m perceived by others was the norm.
The turning point for me was last year when I took up early morning running with a friend. With the constant insecurity of having a naked face (e.g. no makeup) OUT IN PUBLIC IN FRONT OF OTHER PEOPLE was enough to send my self-conscious thoughts into overdrive. I appreciate this might seem shallow to some, but I know many people will relate to feeling nervous about having that pore-clogging security blanket taken away.
Then one 7am start, whilst I rocked sunglasses in the near dark to hide my less than perfect complexion, my friend asked a killer question: ‘Nat, what do you think when you see other people running around with no make-up on?’, my response was immediate:
‘I don’t even notice them’.
That’s when it hit me – I was too busy thinking about what I was doing that I didn’t even notice other people, let alone cast an opinion or judge them. And the chances are everyone else was equally in their own head and wasn’t even clocking I existed, let alone cowering at my just-rolled-out-of-bed look! That’s because…
Humans. Are. Selfish.
And I don’t mean that in a negative way, we are all programmed to look out for ourselves in order to survive (like running away from that giant woolly mammoth or elbowing our way into that sought-after clothes sale). In turn, every thought we have is usually about how we can relate to, or benefit from a situation.
Consider an example, think about when someone has told you a story, how often are you sat thinking about a time you have gone through something similar, or are ready to jump in and offer your words of wisdom before they’ve even finished their sentence? It’s normal and it happens to us all because we’re wired to think of number one, me, myself and I.
It’s also good to remember that it’s not all about you when it comes to how others behave. Whether someone speaks in an unwarranted abrupt tone, cheats in a relationship, or consistently cancels plans last minute, remember that is a reflection on them and what they feel they need or want to better themselves. And in some cases, the impact on others doesn’t even register.
Now I am not condoning rude communication, or cheating in relationships, but remember whatever someone else says or does, it is in no way a reflection of you or your worth, it’s them simply making a selfish choice as all humans do. And your selfish reaction back?... To remove yourself from that situation, to protect you, and your sense of worth above all else.
You are a strong, confident, worthy female that deserves to feel as such, so be selfish and make yourself all about you. x
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